


17-21-1-20-18-15

by MostFacinorous



Series: Night Vale Secret Police Archives [4]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: F/M, Fancast, M/M, NVSP archives, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-26 15:54:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/967818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MostFacinorous/pseuds/MostFacinorous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The following file is from the archives of the Sheriff’s Secret Police phone tap records. This communication may contain confidential, proprietary, legally privileged, or raunchy information. It is intended only for Official Local Secret Police Business. Please do not use, listen to, retransmit, or masturbate to the following recording, unless you are part of the Sheriff’s Secret Police force. If you have accessed this recording and are not a member of the Secret Police, please hang up, and try again. In the event that your call does not go through, you will be transferred to an automatic voice message service. Thank you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	17-21-1-20-18-15

Recording can be found [[here](http://nvsparchive.tumblr.com/post/61307642752/night-vale-secret-police-archives-recording-number)]

Download can be found [[here](http://kiwi6.com/file/1od9uimdwq)]

Transcript below.

 

[SPO Antonia]

The following file is from the archives of the Sheriff’s Secret Police phone tap records. This communication may contain confidential, proprietary, legally privileged, or raunchy information. It is intended only for Official Local Secret Police Business. Please do not use, listen to, retransmit, or masturbate to the following recording, unless you are part of the Sheriff’s Secret Police force. If you have accessed this recording and are not a member of the Secret Police, please hang up, and try again. In the event that your call does not go through, you will be transferred to an automatic voice message service. Thank you.

****

{ringing}

****

[Tracy] Hello?

[Cass] Tracy? {obviously upset}

[T] Cass? What’s wrong?

[C] It’s Hiram! They gave him… they gave him the death sentence!

[T] What? Oh no, Cass… I’m so sorry!

[A] That’s awful!

[C] Well {sniffling} more accurately, they ordered a death sentence on one head

but one of the others has already been found innocent…

[T] So how does that work? Do they just choose like, the median sentence?

[C] I don’t know! But how could they-- if that head ends up with jail time, they would still be jailing a partially-- and legally!-- innocent dragon!

[A] Don’t worry-- they would never get away with it. Even the Sheriff’s Secret Police know better

than to open their doors to more lawsuits, and they’re very mindful of their exposure to the evil that radiates off of lawyers.

[C] {sniffs again} Thanks, Antonia. That… does help a little bit.

[T] Whose idea was it to try each head separately?

[C] Hiram advised his lawyer to push for it, since he felt it had a better chance of working out for

them. If you ask me, it’s just that much more nerve wracking-- and the gold head’s trial

date isn’t for another week and a half!

[T] Oh, hon, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?

[C] Help me take my mind off of it? I mean, you do still have Carlos’s journal, don’t you?

[T] Yeah. I mean I wasn’t going to input any of it today, but I totally will. Hang on, let me grab it.

****

[T] So Night Vale has developed a… dinosaur problem. I’m not sure who did it or how just yet, but someone here has managed to create a tear in the fabric of reality, which has served as either a time or a dimensional rift, which allowed… they’re pterodactyls, not pteranodons, by the way. I’ll have to call the radio station and let them know.

At any rate. Now they’re flying around, and apparently they seem to be focusing their attacks on women who wear glasses. I had Jenny wear her contacts to work, but just in case, I’m keeping her in the back room today.

****

She and Leanne Hart are trying to work together to come up with a design for the front page of the Night Vale Daily Journal that will get the message out-- Jenny likes a simple large print design that just says ‘What is going on? Why is Night Vale Strange? Have explanations? The Scientists are waiting to hear from you!’ with a phone number and an address for the lab, but Leanne has ideas about good marketing and needing to engage the readership on a visual level. She thinks the ad should feature a pair of socks filled with salsa, a grinning skeleton holding them up, and a small child sliding his feet in, and the words ‘Tell us your desires’.

****

I’ll let them sort it out-- I don’t have the design flare needed to make that kind of decision.

****

[C] Ugh, as much as I dislike your mom, I have to say, that woman does know what she’s doing when it comes to selling her story.

****

[T] Uhm. Sometimes. And then sometimes the front page looks like a restaurant menu.

****

[C] Yeah, that made me hungry. What was that ad even for?

****

[T] Michelin tires.

****

[C] ...huh.

****

[T] We’ve examined the players who decided to investigate the rift. I’m not sure how it is that they aren’t dead, frankly. Their heads resemble things brought back from the Egyptian tombs, and though they can speak and blink and move, the majority of their faces are so wizened that they just don’t have motion. Their expressionless, haunted, knowing eyes stared at myself and my fellow researchers like they were looking deep into our souls, while their very young voices explained that they didn’t know how they were going to score a hot date, now.

I empathized a little more than I am comfortable admitting.

****

[A] Awwwh!

****

[C] Ugh, what a cutie.

****

[T] I know, right? And by then, obviously, Cecil was totally all over him. So, also a dummy.

****

[A] No kidding. It took him aaaaaaages to notice.

****

[T] I can’t wait for the entry when he finally does, though. Anyway, wow, this one gets a little… weird.

****

TIME IS BROKEN. IT IS WARPED, AND DOES NOT EXIST PROPERLY HERE.

****

[T] Um. There’s… there are a lot of numbers that I don’t even know how to read as an equation. And then--

****

HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN HERE? HOW LONG HAS HERE BEEN HERE? HOW OFTEN DOES NIGHT VALE EXIST? MUST EXAMINE THE CLOCKS, MUST INVESTIGATE FURTHER, MUST--

****

[T] and that’s it.

****

[C] when is Carlos’s birthday? It’s coming up, right?

****

[A] Is everyone just going to buy Carlos a wristwatch? Because that was my plan, but it seems funnier en masse.

****

[Bernard] UGH ANTONIA. That was my idea-- I even sent out a memo on it. You can’t steal my idea and then encourage everyone else to do it, too.

****

[T] I already bought one for him like, a month ago.

****

[C] Mine’s shaped like the crocodile clock from Hook, so it’s not really jewellery.

****

[A] There, you see? everyone’s doing something a little different.

****

[B] Well they do say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...

****

[C] Ha. Dude, I’m excited. I’ll get my uncle to reserve lane five for us, and we should totally throw Carlos a party at the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Family Fun Complex.

****

[T] That sounds perfectly traumatic. I’m in!

****

[C] Bernie, Antonia, I’m totes putting you guys on this guest list, too. No pressure or nothin’, but I’m just sayyyyyin’... Anyway, nothing like party planning I guess to get your mind off of your boyfriend’s legal troubles. I’m gonna go call Uncle Teddy. Talk to you later, Trace!

****

[T] Bye Cass! Bye Antonia, bye Bernie!

****

[B] Bernie? My name is Bernard.

****

[A] You heard the girls, Bernie. Not any more.

This concludes recording number 17-21-1-20-18-15. This recording and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the Sheriff’s Secret Police, or the entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this recording in error please notify the Secret Police, or else you will be banned from entering Carlos’s birthday party. You can contact us by stringing a pair of your tennis shoes with your address written on them around any telephone wire in town, or simply remaining on the line. Thank you.

  
  
  


[Maria]

The creators of the NVSP Archives would like to invite you to enter in our Night Vale Original Character contest. We’ve had so much fun with our OCs, we decided we’d like to hear a little about yours!

Between now and September 19th, submit a drawing or written description (or both) of your Original Night Vale character to us at NVSPArchive dot tumblr dot com. The winner will receive one general admittance ticket to the sold out 7:00 showing of Night Vale Live in Brooklyn on October 10th. We can’t wait to see what you come up with!

 

[Kalyn]

NVSP Archives would like to thank those of you who reblog, comment, like, kudos, or pass these on to your friends. We have a lot of fun doing each episode, and hope to keep them coming. This entry’s cast includes Courtney Ortega as the voice of Cassandra Williams, Maria Perry as the voice of Tracy Hart, Tim Herber as the voice of Bernard, and Kalyn Salgueiro as the voice of Antonia.


End file.
